Jagged-Edged hours

“As Jesus was walking along, he saw a man who had been blind from birth. ‘Rabbi,’ his disciples asked him, ‘Why was this man born blind? Was it because of his own sins or his parents’ sins?’

“‘It was not because of his sins or his parent's sins,’ Jesus answered. ‘This happened so that the power of God could be seen in him.’” John 9:1- 3

My Abba,

I have so many questions about suffering and healing. I know I won't get all the answers in this lifetime. But this passage helps remind me that you can redeem human suffering for your glory. Like the disciples, I can tend to look for cause and effect. Why did this suffering happen?

I want explanations for the unexplained pain in our world. I look for a reason because I think it will help comfort my ache. I also want answers, so I don't feel as vulnerable to stepping into the same calamity. "What are the rules for avoiding that pitfall?" I subconsciously ask.

"What's the formula for a brighter future for my loved ones and me?" I don't expect an affliction-free existence. I just want "manageable" challenges – whatever that means. This idea of our pain being used for your glory is a hard one. Am I really willing to sign up for that?  I am glad for you to get credit in my triumphs. But do I want to be used to point to your perfection, if intense suffering is involved?

Whenever I am sitting quietly in your presence, my answer is, "Yes, in my life, whatever comes, your will be done." But when pain is suffocating and drags me into the maze of endless days, I wear down. I am tempted to focus on my disappointment in this broken body or the weight of heart-crushing circumstances. Please remind me right then, right now, in the midst of the anguish, how I can bring you glory. I want to be overwhelmed by your beauty, love and comfort amidst these jagged-edged hours.

The lovely, quiet respites with you are awesome, but I want more. I also want to experience your gracious presence, even as I am falling through the cracks in the ice, broken and bruised.

I love you,

Mollie

My child,

In this life, you will not fully understand the problem of pain. I did not originally create mankind for it. I created you for pleasure. It is right for you to want to avoid suffering. But when sin entered the world, pain followed. Obviously, I don't always prevent it.

At times, I allow pain (like an alarm system) as a consequence for sin. You need to know something will burn you to learn not to touch it again. Sin damages you. It is important for you to embrace that reality. You don't fully see it the way I do. When sin takes its course, the devastation reminds you of the severity of certain choices. What is right becomes more attractive to you. This also makes you more aware of your need for me.

Pain can be the unsightly companion of the freedom to choose. The poor choices people make may terribly wound others. If I had created human puppets, you could not choose poorly. But you could not choose to love me, or each other, either. That is more important than anything else.

There will also be times when neither choice, nor consequence, is the cause of suffering. I have allowed our enemy some influence over Earth for a season. The planet and its people groan due to his impact. There will be a time when this chapter comes to an end. Eventually, I will make all things right.

But in the meantime, you will need to trust in my perfect justice, mercy, wisdom, and love. You will not grasp all the answers now. But I can walk with you through the impenetrable fog of this uncharted territory and carry you when the pain leaves you breathless.

I love you,

Abba

photo: stillfx

NLT