better than Life

“Oh God, you are my God. Earnestly I seek you. My soul thirsts for you. My body longs for you in a dry and weary land where there is no water. I have seen you in the sanctuary and beheld your power and your glory. Because your love is better than life, my lips will glorify you. My soul will be satisfied as with the richest of foods. With singing lips my mouth will praise you. On my bed I remember you. I think of you through the watches of the night. Because you are my help, I will sing in the shadow of your wings. My soul clings to you. Your right hand upholds me.” Psalm 63:1-8

My Abba,

It feels odd to respond to this psalm on the page. Thank you for waking me every morning for so many years with this life-giving prayer on my lips. It is definitely the most transformative passage I have ever memorized. Even after all these years though, I know you can give me an eager heart, open to your truth. Please provide a fresh perspective.

I love how it begins. “Oh God, you are my God.” You are not some comic-book deity we conjured up to entertain us with a few flashy superpowers. You are the one true perfect, infinite, eternal God who spoke the constellations into being. And you are my God! The Limitless One who sings over the universe, also, makes melody in this one finite, human heart. I am yours and you are mine. Loving Creator and beloved created one inseparable forever! This truth leaves me awestruck and delighted.

Thank you that most days I experience an earnest desire to connect with you. But when I don’t, please carry my true longing into the light. Even when I can’t recognize what my heart truly craves amidst the crooked commotion of life, I know my desire for you doesn’t disappear. Whether I recognize it or not, you are always the one for whom I hunger and thirst. You satisfy my soul.

It’s just that sometimes I allow our enemy (that street-slick scam artist) to sell me a dreadful knockoff that promises to please. When that happens, I miss the real deal. Open the eyes of my heart. Without you, I will settle for forged goods.

It was always easy for me to believe a love relationship with you was better than the black and blue, bruised-up chapters of my journey. But thank you for ultimately showing me your perfect love is better than, even, the most “ideal” life I could dream up.

I can honestly say now, I would not trade your flawless love for a flawless life.

I love you,

Mollie

My child,

You used to withhold parts of your heart because you believed there were people, achievements, and possessions you would find more appealing than me.  

I was your back-up plan when the world broke your heart. You wanted me to wait quietly in the wings so you could signal me for the rescue when the villains were overtaking you. But the hero is not a nameless extra in your supporting cast.

I take joy in your change of heart. Now that you savor the taste of my presence, you spend more time with me and are increasingly aware of who I am. You can celebrate me forever. My perfection never runs dry. 

Always remember the way your babies would cling to you as you carried them. They instinctively knew to do that. That is how I want you to cling to me. I will continue to cultivate that instinct in you. But just as they did not have the strength to hold on without help, you don’t either. Cling to me. I will uphold you with my mighty right hand.

I love you,

Abba

photo: d.pichugin