Awkwardly graceful

“For I am not ashamed of this Good News about Christ. It is the power of God at work, saving everyone who believes – Jews first and also Gentiles. This Good News tells us how God makes us right in his sight.” Romans 1:16-17a

Ashamed: embarrassed or guilty because of one's actions, characteristics, or associations, reluctant to do something through fear of embarrassment or humiliation

Embarrassment: a feeling of self-consciousness, shame, or awkwardness

Graceful: showing grace  

My Abba,

I know it is not logical to feel ashamed of the Good News. It is your vital message of life to mankind. I want people to know how to enjoy a forever relationship with you. 

But I feel like I act “ashamed” of the gospel, at times. This disturbing attitude seems to spring forward when I am afraid of the scornful sledgehammer of social conformity. 

It’s as if I have just shown up on the Senate floor to present my passionate cause in my plaid flannel pajamas, bed head, and worn out slippers with no opportunity to prepare. To be honest, I need to admit I don’t want to be seen as the weird woman who believes those “narrow-minded myths.” (My spiritual pride wants to rush out and quickly escort those words behind some well-trimmed religious shrubbery.) Please forgive me. 

On some occasions, I think the “good opinion” of others has kept me from sharing the truth of who you are. I assume most people won’t want to know. I convince myself that my sharing might make them more resistant to you. What if someone had assumed that about me? Before I knew you, I certainly did not look like I was hungry for a connection with you.

I noticed when looking at word meanings that embarrassment can mean to feel awkward, which comes from an Old Norse word meaning, “to be backwards or turned the wrong way.” That is how I see myself at times. I don’t want to be perceived as being backwards and turned the wrong way. 

If shame means to feel a lack of being valued by others, I think I see the sad truth. My desire for affirmation can knock the wind out of my good judgment in the most crucial of arenas. Please show me how to honestly speak the truth in love about you when it is not considered acceptable.

I know there are many compelling ways to share the truth of who you are. Make me sensitive and willing to follow your Spirit. Please transform my heart so that your approval is paramount always, even when I look awkward and backwards to others.

I love you,

Mollie

My child,

In reality, you are not just worried about your image. You are concerned with mine.

I know you love me, but at times you want to dress me up in acceptable clothes for your culture, in order for you to feel more comfortable taking me out in public. I don’t play dress up.

I am the God of the Universe. I am who I am. Don’t try to disguise me. I don’t want you running a public relations campaign. 

Others will be drawn to me as I move in their hearts not because you crafted the most favorable pitch according to the latest swing in public opinion. People are fickle. You will never make me look hip enough for most of them. 

Anyway, in order to truly join themselves to me, they need to know who I am. I don’t want you to Photoshop my image. I don’t need you to make me appear more charming. 

Infatuation with an illusion is not what I am going for. People need to see the real me and make their choice. I have been captivating human hearts since time began. Trust me to manage the revelation of my presence. Listen to me and I will lead you as you tell our story to others.

You may feel awkward and earthbound, at first. But by the breath of my Spirit, we can gracefully take flight. Rise with me today.

I love you, 

Abba

photo: vitsenkou

NLT