Swimming with alligators

 “I know how to live on almost nothing or with everything. I have learned the secret of living in every situation, whether it is with a full stomach or empty, with plenty or little. For I can do everything with the help of Christ who gives me the strength I need.” Philippians 4:12

My Abba,

This week has left me exhausted physically and emotionally. Watching my son suffer has been excruciating. I desperately desire to soothe, rescue, take his place, chase the pain away. But I can’t.

I want you to heal him. That is the cry of my heart. Please, Abba. I want the miraculous ending and really don’t want you to take your time, if I am being honest. 

But even if you don’t give me what I want, please whisper to me again “the secret of living in every situation.” Although pain has hung around like a tenacious antagonist for much of my story, you have shown me unquenchable life. You have revealed it to me in, both, the glorious and the gutter moments. I know the secret to living well, in all circumstances, is to live in a vibrant relationship with you, no matter where I am on this road to heaven.

Because you are my supernatural strength, my song and my salvation, I can rejoice in your presence in the midst of all my circumstances. You are my glorious love, hope, and peace. You are my infinite grace, compassion, and forgiveness. Those eternal gifts you give me are beautiful, even when I paddle with you through the painful, alligator-infested, swampy parts of our journey.

Whether my storyline is delightful or desperate, I acknowledge you as the hero and director. Then I can appreciate your presence in the spotlight no matter what else is taking place.

I love you,

Mollie

My child,

I am sorry you are in pain. I am here. I can carry your sorrow. You have discovered that the sustaining secret of joy amidst any circumstance is in me. But that joy runs thin, if you are consumed by your situation. Look at me. We can do this.

When you are desperate to live in the truth of who I am, you do find all you need in me. In these times, I am not on your checklist of things you should get to but might not, because I am not interesting enough, important enough, or beautiful enough, to hold your attention. My presence is as crucial to you as your next breath.

Don’t try to manipulate the hard stuff into something, in which you take joy. Taking joy in pain is masochistic. Sometimes you will not find the silver lining, profound reason, or happy ending for the tragedies in your life. But keeping company with me in the midst of the pain-filled chapters will make all the difference.

I am infinitely joyful. So my presence can always be the glorious object of your joy – even when we are swimming with alligators.

I love you,

Abba

photo: p.durieu