difficult ones

“And we urge you, brothers and sisters, warn those who are idle and disruptive, encourage the disheartened, help the weak, be patient with everyone.” 1 Thessalonians 5:14

My Abba,

This truth implores me to love people in ways that stretch my heart, soul, mind and strength. It reminds me how I struggle with some of the rowdy demands of helping those in need.

I remember my friend (a pastor) joking once, “Ministry would be great, if it weren’t for the people!” I laughed at his irony but thought he was a bit serious. I felt sad for him and a little smug in my self-assurance that I would simply feel grateful for anyone God wanted me to help. (Yes, I was young and excessively optimistic about my way of being in the world.)

As decades have passed, to my chagrin, I have discovered I actually do want people to be less … problematic. I sometimes internally cringe when working with some of (what I consider) the difficult people. I tend to favor encouraging the disheartened and helping the weak, but not so much, serving the critical, confrontational, legalistic, disruptive or annoying types.

How can this be? I lead a recovery ministry. Shouldn’t I feel drawn to the difficult folks? The head-in-the-sand ones who avoid working on their own issues because life would be perfect if their loved ones would just change? The embarrassing, inappropriate ones with the stunted social skills of a 12-year-old boy awkwardly trapped in pre-pubescence? The desperately insecure ones who feign egos as big as a West Texas sky and tell you all the ways you are doing things wrong?

If I acknowledge reality, I am inclined to gravitate toward those who are struggling in a way that allows them to be somewhat congenial while growing and healing. Please forgive me.

I do not love everyone in my life unconditionally. But I want to. Please love them through me. I am not able to do this on my own. And, please, continually remind me I am not in charge of fixing anyone – especially not to fashion them in a way that is more pleasing to me.

Thank you that you never give up on me when I am one of the difficult people. I am grateful you love me, even when I am most unlovable.

I love you,

Mollie

My child,

Some peoples’ flaws and failings are more palatable to you than others. For the most part, you better tolerate peculiarities and character defects that don’t push on your wounds. Aggressive, critical behaviors trigger you.

As you have become more adept at depending on me, you have gained greater resilience. You have stopped looking at people through rose-colored glasses. Now, more than not, you don’t try to paint over poor behavior. These are crucial steps. I can’t help you, if you don’t walk with me in reality.

You are more in tune with your emotions and more honest about how people affect you. These are good things. You can’t heal a wound by saying it’s not there. But don’t stop there. I want you to bring me the uncomfortable emotions you feel when dealing with hostile, disapproving people.

My perfect, infinite, forever love can bring healing to all the faulty ways people try to cope with life. I can fill your heart with my unconditional love. By the power of my Spirit, you can love even the difficult ones, because I do.

I love you,

Abba

photo: siriburanakit